Hell is Better For Some Teams
A Look At the Worst Teams in the VL
VL Headquarters, Guam
AP - Ah, the joys of sucking. Last place has become the resting place of four teams in the VL. Anaheim, Port Royal, Oslo, and Stanwix all are the worst teams in their divisions and the four worst teams in the league.
Does anyone even care about what these teams do? Well, think about. Anaheim and Stanwix are recent expansion teams, with Stanwix making that big name signee of Josh Hamilton with a $32 million dollars a year contract, but they have yet to catch any fire in winning ballgames. Anaheim, despite their name, has no power to win jack sh*t and has a bunch of underachieving ball players. Oslo used to be good, but now they play like their in a fog.
So what conclusion can you draw? Well, the obvious one. They suck. Nobody cares about them, as demonstrated by their crappy fan support.
The best of the worst is Stanwix, who somehow managed to go from one of the best offenses and worst pitching, to average offense and somewhat better pitching. The only thing this team does have is speed. In 2nd with the most stolen bases, the speed threat is led by Joel McGee, the former number 1 pick, who has stolen 104 bases, the most ever in VL history. Josh Hamilton is no slouch either as he has stolen 37 bases. About the only other good thing that Stanwix has, is its bullpen, which happens to be very solid. Josh Groban and Michael Northup are both young studs, while Julian Hubler has emerged to be one of the better middle relievers. Jeffery Murphy and Satoru Kanemura are both solid starters, with Murphy a great pitcher now. Estimated time of reverse suckitude: Sometime in the next year and half. If this team can add a few more players, we could see a .500 record.
The second best of the worst is the Oslo Blue Fog. The Blue Fog, who won 92 games last year and has been one of the best teams, is the only one with fan support. In fact, they lead the league in fan support despite the overall crapiness. The Blue Fog's overall struggle is a result of sub par pitching. They have one good pitcher and the rest all suck. The hitting has a bunch of underachievers and overall the team is just average. Estimated time of reverse suckitude: If they cut some payroll, then sign some big time FA or draft a few ML ready guys, then they could be a .500 team in a year. If not, I'm looking 2 years.
Because they suck so much, Anaheim and Port Royal are grouped together. Obviously, Anaheim has an excuse for sucking. They are an expansion team. I'm not even sure what Port Royal used to be called, but that's irrelevant. What's their problem? The same as almost everyone else's. Pitching. The three hogs of pitching happen to be the three teams owned by the officers in the commish's office. Hmm. Interesting.
Anyways, both teams have no pitching and therefore suck. End of story.
Obivously, none of these teams are very good. But one thing that we must commend them for is their work ethic. These terrible ballplayers (with the exception of McGee and Hamilton) go out each and everyday and play hard to win. But, they don't win. Which is unfortunate. That's okay though.
Please sit back, relax and appreciate the world that is suckitude.